discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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