Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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