you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
