Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
