Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize