Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
