Soap is not a condiment
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
