I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
