my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
