as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
