We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
