So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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