You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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