Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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