can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
