Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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