He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
