You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
