I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
