have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
