Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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