Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
