so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize