I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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