He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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