Pappa wants mamma naked
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
