I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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