it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
