This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize