if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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