Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
