i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
