I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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