The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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