i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
