So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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