Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize