Your favorite bartender is back from prision
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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