Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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