yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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