At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
