Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
