I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize