i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
