My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
