I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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