drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
