I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
