I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize