I like to think it a success when the cops are called
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
