She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
