he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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