Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
