I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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