Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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