it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
