I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize