never play flip cup with pint glasses
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
