wat bout pragnant strippers??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize