I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
