The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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