I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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