Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
