Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
