woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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