these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i think i scared a bird with my dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
