these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
