we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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