He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
