New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
