I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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