And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
