Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
