I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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