I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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