if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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