Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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