I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
