Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
