How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
