WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
