am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
