we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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