hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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