I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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