I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
