I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
