We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
