what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My cat gives me a boner
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
