Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
