it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
