I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
