so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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