you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How does one acquire holy water?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
