She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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