Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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