when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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