Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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