She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
