rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
