it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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