11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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