I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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