I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
