it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize