im about as happy as oj after his trial
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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