i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize