i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
