He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
