we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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