You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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